I wish this misery would depart. It’s like a sinking ship in my stomach, dragging me to a point where I no longer have the will to live.
I really want to cut my radial artery and bleed until I feel dizzy. I want to see blood and life pump out of me. I don’t deserve to have it in me. Let the blood carry away the pain and hurt, the hopelessness and eventually, my soul.
I am not mad, or angry. Not scared or excited. I almost feel nothing at all. Like a huge emptiness, I can’t seem to find the energy to want to live, or the energy to really want to die. I just want to slip away into oblivion. No thoughts.