Oh so miserable

I wish this misery would depart. It’s like a sinking ship in my stomach, dragging me to a point where I no longer have the will to live.

I really want to cut my radial artery and bleed until I feel dizzy. I want to see blood and life pump out of me. I don’t deserve to have it in me. Let the blood carry away the pain and hurt, the hopelessness and eventually, my soul.

I am not mad, or angry. Not scared or excited. I almost feel nothing at all. Like a huge emptiness, I can’t seem to find the energy to want to live, or the energy to really want to die. I just want to slip away into oblivion. No thoughts.

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5 thoughts on “Oh so miserable”

  1. Every time it breaks my heart when I realize other people can feel that desire for nothingness that I feel more often than I’d like to admit. There’s nothing one can say that will magically wipe all the pain away; there’s no reason or logic that can always slay this dragon. These are abysmal thoughts, but they are honest. I always have them at times like this because I need to strip falsehood away before painting on what little truths I have.

    With that honesty out of the way, now, I will ask you a question that hopefully will give you a brief respite from your troubles. Besides thinking about self harm, what else in your life do you have that helps give you peace?

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