Category Archives: Food

I need sleeeeep!!

Oh my, I am struggling to stay awake

sleepy

Every inch of my body just wants to lie down and fall asleep. 

I did go out this morning, then went to the supermarket, and taxied home. I am quite proud of my efforts actually! Helps that I went out with very supportive people who picked me up, and were good at making me feel relaxed and comfortable. They dropped me at the supermarket afterwards, where I bought way too much food! 

Having too much food is probably a good thing at this stage though, because hopefully it means I won’t need to go to the supermarket for ages. I don’t usually shop like this, but I got heaps of pre-packaged microwave type meals, so that when I am too anxious to cook, or leave my room etc – I can still have something to eat for dinner/ lunch. 

groceries

My list that I made last night, of course, did not make it into my bag, and half the things I had planned to get, I forgot about. Typical.

All of that must have been far too exhausting for me, because when I got home, i accidentally fell asleep for about 3 hours… until a politician came and knocked on my door and I had to get up, and politely tell them, that no, actually, I didn’t want a huge sign advertising their party on my fence thank you very much.

So since then I have been resisting the urge to fall back asleep, because I want to be able to sleep tonight!

 

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Calling the Parentals…

I just talked to mum on the phone for ages. Shes kinda freaking out a little about my state:

  • Too anxious to leave my bedroom
  • Too anxious to feed myself – apparently surviving off coffee, more coffee, and toast doesn’t count? Who would have known!
  • Missing important appointments and not realising, because I’m just consumed with my anxiety/fatigue
  • Not getting out of bed/not showering/not really functioning..
  • Self harming
  • Going from talking really fast non stop one day to being miserable and crying the next

There’s probably more I am forgetting. But I didn’t really put two and two together and realise, actually how low functioning I am at the moment!?

Then she started telling me that it wasn’t acceptable and that I should just pray more and I would be better. Sorry mum, but I’m already doing that quite a bit, and I’m not saying that it doesn’t help it does , but I still have crippling anxiety and self harm behavior. It’s not really a matter of, just try harder. It doesn’t really work like that!

So I’m feeling pretty miserable right now. Like a complete baddie failure at life. I also need to get up in the morning unfortunately. And I’m already freaking out about having to go out. 

If I’m this bad after two weeks of no mental health support… how am I going to manage the next 6 on my own???!

10 ways to tell if you are allergic to gravity!

Today is a POTSie day

You are probably thinking – What on earth is POTSie? Well, fair question. It’s a bit of a slang term commonly used by those of us lucky enough to be allergic to gravity – or standing up! POTS – aka Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome is a chronic autonomic condition that I have to fight everyday. 

So, here’s 10 ways to tell if you are allergic to gravity:

  1. You feel like you have been running a marathon all day. All day yesterday too. And the day before that…tired
  2. You randomly feel the need to sit down in the middle of the supermarket, on the street,or anywhere else for that matter (insert embarrassing place here)
  3. You have a love hate relationship with exercise… well, mostly hate. Lets be honest people. After 2 minutes, this is you:

gym

 

  4.  You need to drink an entire swimming pool a day to even vaguely survive!

  5.  Salty food is your best friend, and you regularly get disapproving looks from others when salting your food…

  6.  Sometimes you feel like this man here:

pill man

  7. The floor is your best friend:

fall

  8. Sleep is your second best friend… when you can catch him

sleep

 

  9. Your heart rate could be likened to the speed of a Springbok

springbok

  10. You’re not a quitter!!

 

Keep hanging in there my fellow POTsies!!

(I was sitting here feeling pretty yuk, so I thought I would pop on my heart rate monitor. Aaaaand sure enough, my heart rate is being screwy! 100 sitting… 150 standing sigh.)

 

Today I had a break from my brain! + Cool Elephants!

Today was nice. Just one of those feel good days. Just nice

Brain-Break_4529620_lrg

I had a break from my brain… I seemed to be relatively calm most of the day, I also didn’t feel too physically ill! The odd intrusive thought came by, which stressed me if i let myself dwell on it – so i tried not to, and just live in the moment instead.

Now often when I try and do this, it doesn’t work, and I feel anxious anyway. But not today, it was quite novel actually! So what did I get up to? I got up, did the dishes with my flattie, then got ready to go out on my voluntary Bible work.

We went round visiting people who had previously shown an interest. We spent some time with a lovely older lady and had a long chat about many things. As we were leaving I spotted that she had a really cool display of little elephants! So I asked her about it, and each little elephant had a story behind it, from a different country. One of them – the big black one was sent over by a relative who had gone away in world war II when he first arrived overseas. He became a prisoner of war, so she didn’t see him again for another 5 years. So this elephant was a special reminder of him. It was quite special. I felt honoured to hear this story. I was so fascinated by these elephants, so I asked her if i could take some photos, to which she agreed 🙂

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I also enjoyed spending time with the two lovelies who took me out with them. I felt safe. And then we got some super yum coffee! 

Lets hope the anxiety doesn’t catch up with me later on. For now, Im just stoked that Ive had a relatively panic free day 🙂