I need to sleep, BUT…

I need to sleep, but I am already freaking out about the next day I’m anxious because I have to get up, have a shower, get dressed, look presentable, and go to church where there are lots of people, and I have to hold myself together for that entire time. I am also worried that I wont be able to get up in time, and that I will feel ill and want to not go – which i would then feel incredibly guilty about!

I need to sleep, but I am hungry. Feeding myself has become a huge struggle lately. Being depressed and anxious – I cant be bothered eating, mostly im not hungry, and the thought of having to go into the kitchen to make something scares me immensely. If its going to take more than 2 minutes to be ready to be eaten, including cleaning up – then its too stressful. But Seroquel is making me hungry. I have no food that is ready to eat, I already ate all my muesli bars. Then old eating disorder thoughts pop by and make me feel guilt for wanting food. Joys

I need to sleep, but I’m scared of turning off my computer, because my brain will explode into overdrive, negative thoughts whizzing by at 100 miles an hour!

I need to sleep, but It’s a weekend night, and there are lots of drunk people walking past and its terrifying me every time.

I need to sleep, but my body clock is screwed. it thinks I am an Owl. I need to teach it some anatomy 101.

I need to sleep, but I just can’t! 

Seriously Snapchat!?

OK. What the heck Snapchat?? 

I go to send my friend a snapchat of me being an absolute idiot (like usual), and discover that it has deleted all of my contacts! When I tried to re add them from searching my address book, it said no contacts could be found??! 

So angry right now. Angry and sleep deprived is not a fabulous mix. I’ve already made some fairly huge errors today.

Lets hope I don’t make any more!

Night one… Kill me already!

Night one with no sleepy meds for me. It’s gonna be hell!

I am just not tired. Well that’s not 100% true – I’m tired as heck, but not at all sleepy. 

I have a feeling I’m going to suffer a few sleepless nights. Seeing as I have quite a few important morning things scheduled this week, it looks like I will have to start my sleep cycle program next week. Which means, for now, I still need some sleep at night.

Please?

Why you should trust your own judgement

I just experienced a wake up call that I should really trust my own judgement. 

Instead of listening to my own wisdom, I thought I would be a “good girl” and listen to what the doctor said. She told me I should take the stitches in my leg out after 7 days. So just now, I started to do so, as its the 7th day for this laceration. As I got to the middle, the wound started re-opening and bleeding quite dramatically.

*curse you, good girl brain, you knew it needed longer, but you ignored that thought*

So I quickly opened a new packet of steri-strips and pulled the wound back together. Now I just have to hope that they will be able to hold it. I left the rest of the stitches in. 

From now on, I am going to take out the stitches when I think the wound looks healed enough. Because I am usually right when it comes to that. No more “I will be good and follow others instructions whilst ignoring my own judgement”.

Success!

I’m doing it! I’m, up, ready, and going OUT! Go me 🙂

Beat that stupid anxiety!