Tag Archives: sleep

Dear Headache. Please leave.

I’ve had a terrible headache starting yesterday afternoon, and it wouldn’t go away with ipbrofen and paracetemol. It lasted all night and consequently I had a pretty crappy sleep. But I still have it! And its really starting to get on my nerves, because I cant figure out why I have it – I haven’t fainted and hit my head recently, I have already withdrawn from coffee, and it wont go away with regular painkillers!

So I’m feeling pretty lousy today, I need a shower, but I can’t be bothered, don’t feel like eating, feeling nauseated because of this headache, and the back of my eyes hurt. Rarrr. Plus, I have a sore jaw on one side, which feels like it might dislocate itself if I am not careful.

Oh and my new sleeping pill to replace the other ones that have stopped working? Even worse. Didn’t feel sedated at all and had a really bad sleep.

I’m going out with a friend soon, and I am feeling a tad nervous about it, because… ya know, general anxiety about going out into the real world. But shes a very close friend so hopefully it will be ok. We are apparently going with her little boy to see a robot dinosaur.. whatever that is. Sounds like a laugh anyway.

I’m sorry to all my readers who have left comments that I haven’t got around to reading yet – Its feeling a bit overwhelming at the moment, but I will read and reply when I am in a better state of mind. I promise 🙂

Better go get myself ready. Love ya and leave you all 🙂

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Psychiatrist visit, and update

I’ve had a break from my blog for a few days, while I was recuperating at a family members place, because I had a cold! So Im very sorry for the lack of posts!

I spent the weekend resting, and crocheting, while spending some lovely family time, which was nice. I came back home on monday afternoon, and slouched in bed, feeling better physically, but really flat and miserable as well. So I rung up my mummy dearest and had a chat, which held off the urge to self harm.

Unfortunately, this morning I woke up feeling really strange, like an out of body experience.. I don’t know how to describe it, but it was really weird. Plus, I had to go out into town to a psychiatrist appointment, which of course I was really anxious about – so to facilitate that being able to happen – I cut myself. Problem was, I was only planning on doing a small cut, just enough to be able to lessen my anxiety about going out. But I ended up doing a fairly large one again, which I will have to suture up later sigh.

The psychiatrist appointment went well, I remembered to ask about all the things I needed to ask about. Also managed to get some of my medications changed, so that I can hopefully have a better sleep! Yay! Though, I feel like I am on SO many meds  now!

I actually quite like my psychiatrist, she treats me like a real person, with genuine motives, unlike a lot of psychiatrists. She lets me help decide what medications to be on, and shows me the charts with side effect comparisons etc – Which I value. I like it when I’m not treated like a complete imbecile!

On another note completely, I bought yum stuff at the grocery store, and I am going to make a banana split later 🙂

I need to sleep, BUT…

I need to sleep, but I am already freaking out about the next day :/ I’m anxious because I have to get up, have a shower, get dressed, look presentable, and go to church where there are lots of people, and I have to hold myself together for that entire time. I am also worried that I wont be able to get up in time, and that I will feel ill and want to not go – which i would then feel incredibly guilty about!

I need to sleep, but I am hungry. Feeding myself has become a huge struggle lately. Being depressed and anxious – I cant be bothered eating, mostly im not hungry, and the thought of having to go into the kitchen to make something scares me immensely. If its going to take more than 2 minutes to be ready to be eaten, including cleaning up – then its too stressful. But Seroquel is making me hungry. I have no food that is ready to eat, I already ate all my muesli bars. Then old eating disorder thoughts pop by and make me feel guilt for wanting food. Joys

I need to sleep, but I’m scared of turning off my computer, because my brain will explode into overdrive, negative thoughts whizzing by at 100 miles an hour!

I need to sleep, but It’s a weekend night, and there are lots of drunk people walking past and its terrifying me every time.

I need to sleep, but my body clock is screwed. it thinks I am an Owl. I need to teach it some anatomy 101.

I need to sleep, but I just can’t! 

Passing out in public.. I don’t recommend it!

Today I managed to accomplish quite a lot in terms of my anxiety. I went to see the volunteer coordinator to tell her I couldn’t continue – she said they were not going to accept me anyway, because of my past. Don’t ya just love rejection? And I managed that without tooo much anxiety. 

Then I chilled at home for a bit, and got my inner nana on – and did a bit on my crochet. Then my lovely flatmate dragged me off for a walk to the warehouse, which I really really didn’t want to do, but mum and H ganged up on me, so I had to go. Anyway, I was a total anxious mess, and I don’t think H really realised how bad I was going to be. Because I wasn’t breathing very well, hyperventilating and whatnot, plus my bodies lovely relationship with gravity – I ended up passing out in the middle of the warehouse. How embarrassing! Then H felt bad for making me come out, then I felt bad for making her feel bad, and for scaring her. And then we walked home. So much stressss! 

Then I went out to my friends for a Bible study session, which I do every week with 3 close friends. So they picked me up and dropped me off, and it wasn’t too stressful.

And now, I have to try and go to sleep (sleep hates me at the moment) because I have to get up really early to go to Nanas on the train. So I will update more later.

Thanks all you lovelies who read my blog and comment, it really means a lot to me.

 

Giant panic attack today :/

Today I had a GIANT panic attack. I was at my usual level of anxiousness at home, but then I had to walk into town to drop something off, and then walk home. I was freaking out, hyperventilating, and fighting back tears the whole time. How embarrassing!

When I got back home, I broke into uncontrollable tears for HOURS. After about 1 hour, I decided i would ring up my mum. She answered, and I couldn’t even speak, I was just sobbing into the phone. It was good to talk to her, although I really just wanted a hug! I kept crying. It was probably good, because last time we talked, I was trying to explain to her my anxiety over everything (which is relatively new to me) and I got the impression that she thought I was just being wussy. But then I think it clicked for her hearing me absolutely distraught today, over seemingly nothing.

I’m reasonably calm now,  just intermittent bouts of tears. I think I am going to have to cancel my volunteering training. I am super gutted about that, because I really want to do it. But I can hardly leave the house, let alone be full of confidence etc. Maybe another time.

I wonder whether the lack of sleep last night impacted my anxiety level today?

Giant panic attack today :/

Today I had a GIANT panic attack. I was at my usual level of anxiousness at home, but then I had to walk into town to drop something off, and then walk home. I was freaking out, hyperventilating, and fighting back tears the whole time. How embarrassing!

When I got back home, I broke into uncontrollable tears for HOURS. After about 1 hour, I decided i would ring up my mum. She answered, and I couldn’t even speak, I was just sobbing into the phone. It was good to talk to her, although I really just wanted a hug! I kept crying. It was probably good, because last time we talked, I was trying to explain to her my anxiety over everything (which is relatively new to me) and I got the impression that she thought I was just being wussy. But then I think it clicked for her hearing me absolutely distraught today, over seemingly nothing.

I’m reasonably calm now,  just intermittent bouts of tears. I think I am going to have to cancel my volunteering training. I am super gutted about that, because I really want to do it. But I can hardly leave the house, let alone be full of confidence etc. Maybe another time.

I wonder whether the lack of sleep last night impacted my anxiety level today?

Seriously Snapchat!?

OK. What the heck Snapchat?? 

I go to send my friend a snapchat of me being an absolute idiot (like usual), and discover that it has deleted all of my contacts! When I tried to re add them from searching my address book, it said no contacts could be found??! 

So angry right now. Angry and sleep deprived is not a fabulous mix. I’ve already made some fairly huge errors today.

Lets hope I don’t make any more!

Night one… Kill me already!

Night one with no sleepy meds for me. It’s gonna be hell!

I am just not tired. Well that’s not 100% true – I’m tired as heck, but not at all sleepy. 

I have a feeling I’m going to suffer a few sleepless nights. Seeing as I have quite a few important morning things scheduled this week, it looks like I will have to start my sleep cycle program next week. Which means, for now, I still need some sleep at night.

Please?

My brain has flatlined (if that were possible)

Beep ^ Beep ^ Beep^^^ BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

I have been trying to write an interesting blog post all day, but my brain has just died. I keep getting distracted by everything. Heck, I even cleaned my room! 

I promise I will post later, I am writing about suicide facts that are not well known, and need to be made known! My problem is that everywhere I look for data, there’s interesting stuff, but it all contradicts itself. So Im trying to gather it all up, so I can get the most accurate details.

On another note completely, I went out this morning, but my brain seems to think that day is night and night is day. So I’ve decided that I will try an idea I heard a while ago of how to get your sleeping cycle back into a normal rhythm.

The idea is, not to try and get to bed earlier and earlier each night (we all know that doesn’t work). But instead, keep going to bed, and waking up, later and later. You do this over a period of about 2 weeks, until you are back at sleeping in a normal pattern (such as 10 pm -7 am etc) 

This will, no doubt be very disruptful to my schedule, so i will have to minimise everything that’s not essential, and work around those things that are essential somehow.

I’m still in two minds about whether or not to go to this fill in social worker lady. I kind of don’t want to, but I probably need the support. But is seeing someone I don’t know from a bar of soap, and only once a fortnight, really going to help me? Or will it just aggravate things?

I need sleeeeep!!

Oh my, I am struggling to stay awake

sleepy

Every inch of my body just wants to lie down and fall asleep. 

I did go out this morning, then went to the supermarket, and taxied home. I am quite proud of my efforts actually! Helps that I went out with very supportive people who picked me up, and were good at making me feel relaxed and comfortable. They dropped me at the supermarket afterwards, where I bought way too much food! 

Having too much food is probably a good thing at this stage though, because hopefully it means I won’t need to go to the supermarket for ages. I don’t usually shop like this, but I got heaps of pre-packaged microwave type meals, so that when I am too anxious to cook, or leave my room etc – I can still have something to eat for dinner/ lunch. 

groceries

My list that I made last night, of course, did not make it into my bag, and half the things I had planned to get, I forgot about. Typical.

All of that must have been far too exhausting for me, because when I got home, i accidentally fell asleep for about 3 hours… until a politician came and knocked on my door and I had to get up, and politely tell them, that no, actually, I didn’t want a huge sign advertising their party on my fence thank you very much.

So since then I have been resisting the urge to fall back asleep, because I want to be able to sleep tonight!